And now your late night post…
Once upon a time there were three little pigs who lived in a trendy but gentrifying neighborhood which means house prices were skyrocketing and speculators were ripping up Victorian houses as fast as possible to resell them to middle-aged Gen Xers who wanted to live in a walkable neighborhood. One pig built a house of straw bales because it was environmentally friendly while the second pig built his house with sticks because he wanted the structure to be in harmony with nature and because he didn’t want any VOCs that might come with the straw from toxic chemicals. These two built their houses very quickly and then sang and danced all day because they were lazy and also because they were hipsters with banjos and sometimes, you have to bust a move. The third little pig worked hard all day and built his house with bricks because he was a conformist and liked the concept of owning a house that was a throwback to the suburban golden age for which he had faux nostalgia*.
One day, a big bad wolf named Elsie saw the two little pigs while they danced and played and thought, “these two yahoos have no idea how to renovate a house and the workmanship is so shoddy they’ll fall over if I sneeze on them.” So she knocked on their doors to try to buy them out, but they stayed hidden in their houses. Sure enough, Elsie went to the straw bale house and blew the house down in one huff. The frightened little pig ran to the second pig’s house that was made of harmonious sticks. Elsie came to this house and huffed and puffed and blew the house down in hardly any time. Then she met with the housing authority, had the houses condemned and the pigs were homeless and had to take refuge with their hard working sibling.
Elsie then tried to huff and puff and blow the third pig’s house down to complete her vision of a live work planned urban development which required three lots, but the third pig had made a donation to the mayor’s last campaign and so codes came and issued a stop work order and Elsie was forced to stop huffing and puffing. She was so exhausted, she crashed into a heap in the front yard and is now looking for a home.
Elsie is a 10 month old white shepherd and she is happy and well-adjusted. She has retired from house flipping and is looking for a more permanent home. She is social and good with all people, dogs and cats. She is well-mannered and friendly to all. Just keep her away from the DIY channel.
She is available from Tennessee to Connecticut and places in between and nearby. Interested adopters should fill out an application athttps://fs18.formsite.com/bigfluffydogs/form952673514/index.html. Would-be fosters should fill out an application athttps://fs18.formsite.com/bigfluffydogs/FosterApplication/index.html. Then email email@example.com.
Spread the word kids.
*This is a concept I made up where you pine for something that never was. The syndrome is rampant across America right now.