Whoo doggie…. when will this week end? *Eyes the drunk, pregnant kittens dragging tail* Kittens, y’all having a Monday kinda Wednesday too? (various tones of angry mewling are heard) Don’t blame me! *Looks at today’s folder and grins* Y’all better haul hiney upstairs! Today’s guest is…wait for it! Wait for it…A PUPPY! *Watches the kittens scramble upstairs* Tell me it’s my fault.
“Mean and bitter and full of hate, your table for one is ready.”
Hey now! I’m not full of hate. Mean and bitter – maybe. Let me finish my coffee…Dianthe?
“Dianthe’s the name. Capturing hearts is my game. How do you like my Valentine’s pun?”
Oh, your Border Collie is coming through, a girl who’s wicked smart.
“I see what you did there with a nod to our friends up North. That was nice. (Eyes a plate at the table.) Bacon? For moi?”
Yes, of course. I grew up with an Irish grandma, you come to my house – you eat. If it were what Gigi called a “decent” hour and human, I’d add some libation. Grandma believed in Jesus, but she did drink a bit.
“Sounds like a character I’d like! May I have a li-bay-ton please?”
Libations are not for puppies. But here’s some broth. So, I hear you’re ready to find forever. Tell me about your perfect forever home Dianthe. Your basics are 6 months old, a svelte 30ish pounds and quite the pistol.
“Well I don’t like to brag, but I’m quite possibly the world’s smartest dog. I owe that to my Border Collie and Terrier ancestors. Oh, I know one thing my forever home needs to know…I won’t go to bed without my carrot.”
You mean like a stuffed carrot?
“No, I mean like it’s orange and goes crunch when I eat it! Carrots are my bedtime snack. Carved in stone, deal breaker. Forever home must have carrots!”
You know that’s not really a deal breaker. Lots of homes have carrots. They’re good for you.
“Great! Tell them how I’m awesome in my crate! I give the best kisses ever! I am a world contender for snuggling and walks. I also help clear away clutter. I can get rid of cardboard boxes and CDs lickety split! Oh! And I’m working on my basics. You know the sit, stay, come here…I’m awesome! Those sacks of meow are awesome! Do you know they get all spikey and pfft, pfft-y if you chase them and bark at them and try to get them to play with you? I wish the sacks of meow would play with me.”
Those cats have a healthy sense of self preservation. Leave ‘em be. Now in all fairness you are a puppy and you do puppy things. If you leave your shoes on the floor – “I will eat them!”
If you leave your CD’s and favorite books at Dianthe’s level – “I know! I know! I, Dianthe, will shred them!”
If you say this is an awful dog. She jumps, and chews stuff and chases the kids – “I know this one tooo! The kraken will cut you!”
“Hey don’t blame me! The kraken takes care of its own and they have my back forever and ever! I’m never not going to be a Big Fluffy Dog. Besides, Foster Mama calls me the cat’s nightmare, but I’m awesome with the horses and the donkey. I’m great with the ducks and the geese. *Sheepish look* I do kinda chase the doves; but they’re so pretty when the go up! I love watching the doves go up!”
Which leaves you with being a no teacup dog. You tend to herd the littles like they’re sheep and you nip at their heels. This is not welcomed behavior and is generally frowned upon. But an active family or a single who likes to run and hike, Dianthe is your girl!
“You bet! I’ll help you meet dudes and dudettes if you’re single! Valenti
ne’s day is around the corner. Let me be your cupid! Just reach out to Jen at: Jen.Lu@BigFluffyDogs.com.”
Done! Let’s go do some zoomies!